Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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