UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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