Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
