can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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