he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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