is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
