your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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