her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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