well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
