If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
