Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
