I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
