my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just invented taco cereal.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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