Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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