You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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