my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
