so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
