Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
