I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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