I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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