did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
