Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
