Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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