The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
