Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
