i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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