It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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