how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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