how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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