mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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