worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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