You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize