She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
