were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
