Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
