You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
