his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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