That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
