So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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