The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
