You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
