my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
