I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
