sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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