he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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