I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
