new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
These tits shall not be calmed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
