Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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