took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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