it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
