Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My life is pants optional.
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