Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your penis caused this!
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