I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
