The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
