Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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