just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
