I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
