And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
