i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
