I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
