You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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