Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
