just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
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this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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