Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
