Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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