We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
