so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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