i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They took my balls.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
