One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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