i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
