I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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