During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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