I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
