the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
