Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
