well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
