Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
