I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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