i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
