I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
