Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
